Sweet Sacrifice : Broken Record: 1: Chapter 4: Lost for words.

Soon after midnight Lenore found herself at the lake not too far off from her neighbourhood. It worried her that Walter called so late and chose such a weird location to meet up. For sounding so worried over the phone, she was surprised to see him casually skipping stones in his pyjamas. Something Lenore never got the hang of.

How did people do it?

"L! So glad you came." Walter smiled from ear to ear, anxious to tell her the good news. "I may have a lead. I snook into my mother's room, and rummaged through some old papers she likes to keep. You know, receipts, old bills and stuff. Well, I found half a business card. It reads Dr. Lac- and first four digits of a phone number."

Lenore let that sink in for a moment, it seemed like a lead, but Walter's excitement and energy levels seemed way too peculiar for a little piece of information. Couldn't he have waited until tomorrow?

"And one more thing." Her broke her thoughts. "I revealed my name and picture on the site. Austin spoke with me, the real me! He wants to see me L! Talk to me in person!" The boy beamed, this was a big deal for him! Lenore patted his shoulders, before expressing her joy.

"I'm glad that you listened to me! People would learn a lot if they listened to me!" She chuckled.

---

~2 weeks later~

"No! Too much pepper!" Lenore groaned, her first meal in her brand new kitchen was looking more like a fail. She always believed she can cook, it seemed easy in her head. But reality always was, that she was no natural born chef.

Her kitchen was pretty, but missing her precious coffee machine that Casey Broke. For a house renovator, he was incredibly clumsy! She placed the pot on the stove, hoping that the final product won't taste as bad as it seemed.

Leaving her disaster in making, Lenore stopped by the mirror in the hallway.

"Jesus, do I really look like that?" Small pimples sprinkled her forehead, sweat trickled down from her hair. And generally speaking, her hair..

.. was losing it's purple colour! The black began to overpower the purple. It was no surprise, considering she had to wash three times daily. Casey liked to mess around when working, not once was she splattered with paint, "accidentally" on purpose.

"Baby?" Casey shouted.

"What's the matter?" Lenore rushed into her living room, and sat herself down on the sofa next to her boyfriend.

"I just wanted to see you." He whimpered, wrapping his arm around her.

"Oh Casey, this whole psychologist hunt is driving me crazy." Chances of finding who the doctor were incredibly low to begin with. But slimmed down as every hospital, or clinic in town had never had a doctor who's name matched the business card.

"Ellie, don't beat yourself up over this!"

"I promised Walter I'd find the doc." She tugged at his scarf, laying her head on his shoulders.

"But still, beating yourself up about it won't help. I promised you I'll be careful with the coffee maker, and I broke it! And you forgave me!"

"No I didn't." Casey smirked as his girlfriend shook her head.

And then he kissed her, his body tingled like never before. He'd gone far with many women, but with Lenore it was a completely different experience. He felt, comfortable with her. Comfortable enough that he imagined her as his wife, he imagined their children and how happy his life would be with her. All in one kiss!

"Do you forgive me know?" He cocked his eyebrows, brushing his nose against hers.

"Not yet. But it's a start!"

---

Walter was blissfully happy. Laying on his bed, he imagined the outcome of the day. Austin gave him a free pass to his gig at a local pub. Just early enough for Walter to be able to go without much trouble regarding his age.

His belly was filled with butterflies tickling him. Minutes turned into long hours, and the gig is to start in another few hours. Enough time to drive poor Walter crazy. He killed some time by creating scenarios of how to lie to his mother. He did have one idea, but he'd have to drag his friend into it.

Logging into his Facebook account, he was glad that Alicia Hopkins was online. She is Walter's friend from school, and he trusts her enough to let her in on this. He briefly explained his situation to her, and she agreed to help.

"Mother?" He shouted.

"What is it Walter?" His mother inquired, a bored tone to her voice.

"Mom, I need to go out to study."

"Why can't you study here?"

"I was assigned to work with Alicia on this project. I need to go to her house, or we will fail." Walter's tone sounded more carefree and sarcastic than intended.

"Don't you use that sort of tone with me boy." Walter mouthed his apology, while Janice kept scowling. She liked Alicia, was certain that she'd be a good girlfriend for her confused son, but didn't want Walter to screw the potential relationship up with his boy love talk.

"So, can I please go? I'll call her now!" He dialled in Alicia's number and tapped his feet lightly on the floor until she picked up. He passed the phone to his mother after a short talk with Alicia.

"Miss Jones? Walter and I need to work on a project, can he come over? Can't do this over the internet." It was relieving that Alicia played along that good. She convinced Walter's mother, it was hard for a normal person to do that!

---

"What? Why isn't temporary bleach invented yet?" Lenore growled, she couldn't find the right blonde hair dye. She needed to lighten it out, no strong dye could cover her dark blackish brown hair. She considered bleaching, but some inner instincts told her otherwise.

"Hey." A familiar voice called.

Daniel Kurt, the neighbour! His strange, fancy choice of clothing surprised Lenore. No need to be so formal in a pharmacy is there?

"Hey there." Daniel smiled warmly, but he seemed reluctant to speak. He'd been acting strange since he fixed the computer.

"I was wondering, would you like to go out with me tonight somewhere?" With eyes wide open, Lenore panicked. He was asking her out? Didn't he not know she has a boyfriend?

"Sorry Daniel, I've got plenty of work tonight, and all I want to do when I get home is get Casey make me dinner." That explanation seemed to make things more black and white in a less bitchy manner. Lenore wanted to go bitch mode, but her inner self slapped the stupidity out.

"Oh." The hurt in his voice was obvious. "I'll see you later then!"

---

~6 hours later~

"Lenose? Why is yous hew difwent?" It was a surprise to Sara, her purple haired baby sitter suddenly went blue!

"Because I dyed it today, didn't like the other colour pinky." Sara cuddled into Lenore, proceeding to bite her own fingers off.

Every minute spent with Sara, made Lenore long for a baby of her own. Sadly, that was impossible. Her infertility broke her five year marriage. She loved her former husband, but he stopped loving her when they found out she can't produce his babies.

Sara toddled on to her toys, leaving Lenore finding herself on the sofa. Watching television at the Jones household became common to her. She didn't get fired two weeks ago, surprisingly. Maybe Miss Jones was afraid she'd never find someone to mind her children?

Lenore watched Sara mimic the teddy bear with his arms spread apart. It was too early to tell, but Sara was most likely to become an actress in the future. She copied expressions, fake cried for attention, and play dress ups so often she ran out of clean clothes in the wardrobe.

Walter jiggled his keys in his pockets, turned up the volume of his phone and adjusted his clothes. In about an hour or so, he would be seeing Austin at the local pub. Luckily, his mother was out at work, so she couldn't drive him to Alicia's house, and she wouldn't see what direction he was heading.

"Oh, Fancy." Lenore examined Walter's attire. Black trench coat, white scarf and neatly combed hair. If Lenore didn't know any better, she'd be sure he was going on a date! He was going to impress Austin, after all who could resist almond smelling cologne?

She pulled him in for a hug, feeling his body tremble in hers. Rubbing his back she reassured him. "You're going to be fine! You will talk to the love of your life, snatch his heart and possibly end the date making out with him!"

He protested, "it's not a date L!"

"Sure it isn't, but still go get him tiger!" She giggled, in all honesty she described what typically she'd do, but Walter could possibly got a bit further than just chatting tonight. His confidence rose unnaturally throughout the week.

"Lenore, this is a casual meeting of a major fan and world known rock singer. I'm not even sure he likes boys L, don't get my hopes up!" It hurt him to say, but it was true. What odds did he have of dating a straight famous singer? "I like your hair between!"

"Right back at you Walt. You know, you've combed out so much tangles I'm pretty sure you're on a date!"

"Shut up!"

---

The pub was famous in Hidden Springs, just because it was the town's main hotspot. Festivals, concerts and parties were usually managed here. Age had worn it down, leaving scuffs and scratches on what used to be flat polished surfaces. Walter had many nice memories in the place!

By the bar, Austin sat on the barstool chatting with the bartender. He didn't seem to be drinking anything.

No drinking before gig policy? Walter wondered.

How do I introduce my self?

It seems easier than most people think, but most people already have great charisma. Walter doesn't. He stumbles and trips up the stairs called socialization.

Ok.. breath!

Trying to remain as calm as possible, he slid into the barstool next to Austin. Startled by the noise of the almost empty pub, the singer glanced in Walter's direction and flashed him a smile. Walter's cheeks flushed a rosy red, and introduced himself, his voice shaking.

"Walter, you came!" Austin seemed to be in as much of a state as Walter, and it was comforting. After all, Not knowing what to say, is better than saying whilst not knowing what to say. The silence embraced them for a few quick seconds.

"Yes, I actually have been.. really looking forward to meeting you.." Walter trailed off, for finally speaking with someone who he wanted to make friends with for years, he was lost for words!

"Me too Walter, I'm glad I can finally talk with you in person. It's been something I have wanted to do for a long time!"

"You did?" Someone wanted to speak to Walter for a long time? That was a new one!

"Heck yeah man. So what age are you now anyway?" Odd question, but the boys were afraid to talk to one another, it was only fitting to use the friend making manual questions.

"I'll be sixteen in September."

"Ah, I remember when I was sixteen. Had my first crush, well first serious crush. But hey, rejection stinks. I think that's what got me motivated to go public with my songs. How about you Walt, you crushing on someone?"

Yes you!

"No actually." Of course it was a lie, something Walter got used to doing nowadays.

"What can I serve you boys?" A lady, the bartender asked. "We don't serve alcohol to minors, but we do have cans of soda in the fridge."

"I don't want anything, not sure about Walter here."

"Oh, no I don't need anything thank you!" If Austin wasn't getting anything, neither was Walter! After all, he was clumsy enough to spill a whole drink on someone. He didn't want that.

After piles of people entered the pub, Austin took Walter to the secluded corner furnished in ancient, yet comfortable enough armchairs.

How do I sit down again?

Walter found his bones not co-operating. They were flexible enough at daily basis unless it came to PE. Yes, he was blissfully at unease.

"Hey boys." A tall blonde woman smiled, Walter recognized her instantly. Cassidy, the one that flirted off with Austin at the park the other day.

"Hey Cass." Somehow Walter's voice seemed dry and too full of distaste than he intended.

"Miss me at school?" She was in school with Walter, but being four years older she graduated sooner.

"Yeah, one less person to talk too." Cassidy along with her sister and friends used to hang out with Walter, they found him cute. It was a small friendship, but a friendship nevertheless.

"So I take it you two know each other?" Austin chuckled.

"Don't mind me asking, but what are you still doing here?" Austin flashed Cassidy a serious look. She was meant to be gone ages ago! She helped him realize some important things, but she promised to get out as soon as she could.

"Watching you sing silly. Does Walter know?" Her pushing could cause everything to go wrong. Behind clenched teeth he grumbled.

"Don't."

"Do I know what?" What did Walter not know?

He better not tell me he's engaged or quitting the music career.

Austin sighed, thought twice and began. "You will see soon." It wasn't what Cassidy meant and her sigh clearly showed her disapproval, but Walter believed it. Luckily!

"Oh, if you say so!"

The next minutes that passed were spent with general getting to know each other chat. It was enjoyable, but Austin seemed uncomfortable.

Is it because of me?

There was also the possibility that Cassidy, was creating the tension. But why?

"Oh shit, I've got to get up on stage." The time had come, the moment everyone was waiting for. Walter wished Austin luck, not like he needed it but it felt like the right thing to do! Cassidy just winked while he rolled his eyes. What did she do to get Austin so pissed off?

"Come up with me Walter." The insist was shocking, and it startled the boy.

What? Why?

"I don't do well with audiences, people for that matter too!" Walter's heart was thumping harder than before, the nauseating feeling of stage fright came flooding back. That's mainly the reason why he never participated in a any sort of drama, or speaking, or anything that involved big groups.

"Come on." Austin persisted, and suddenly Walter found himself ripped from his chair. In the big arms of the man he'd been crushing on for years. He melted as the grip tightened and lead him to the stage, it was useless to pull away. Austin was too strong. He could only enjoy it.

And he did! All symptoms of stage freight vanished, to be replaced with warmth deep inside and buckling knees. If there was a mirror, Walter would see his pupils dilate. After all it was love he was feeling! A strong, unforgiven love. Austin's arm hairs tickled Walter's chin, as he made the speech introducing Walter, one of his first fans. His inspiration.

Austin's most famous song, Walter's favourite was sung.

"Never have I listened,

Never have I trusted,

My instincts, look where it brought me,

Missing you everyday

Missing you every night

Turns out, a fallen angel was right."

The fifteen year old breathed out heavily, his limbs way too relaxed. It was magical, such close body contact with Austin. He couldn't describe it in words, just lost himself to the music.

In all honesty, this night was the best one Walter ever had. However, he wished later on that it should have never happened. Tasting something you can't have, is worse than no knowing what you can have!

"Put your clothes on now!" Lenore growled, staring in disbelief as her boyfriend marched naked around the house.

"I have my boxers on Ellie. See not naked?"

"Put your clothes on now!"

Casey cocked an eyebrow. "Do you not liked my naked body baby?"

"Quite the opposite, I have a burning desire to take your boxers down and make love to you."

"And that is a bad thing how?"

"I have a lot of things to do Casey." It was useless to fight. The temptation was too strong.

"Can't they wait?" He purred, sliding his boxers down.

"Yeah, I guess they can wait."

---

After the gig was finished, Austin walked Walter home. The rain rolled down without much warning and soon the boys were drenched. One thing sat on Austin's mind, and he desperately needed to tell Walter. But what would he think?

"Hey Walt? Why did you stop coming to my concerts?" Austin got the courage to get the second most heaviest thing off his chest. But his original goal was too heavy to push off.

"I didn't really have a choice, my mother was afraid that I'm having too much of an obsession about you.." He didn't know why that came out.

Did I just really half confess my obsession? Smooth Walter! Smooth!

"I mean, she's afraid that I was spending too much money that she didn't have, so I had to stop. I'm sorry."

"Really? I've been wondering for a really long time. And when I saw you at the park, I just knew it was you. You've grown, but still recognisable!" Austin laughed, at least one thing was clear enough. "I would have spoke with you there, but I didn't want people pestering us. Fans are nice to have, but some don't have personal space respect."

"Yeah-

Ooowww" Walter stepped into a hole, and really hurt his foot. While trying to recover ground, he fell flat on his back.

Well, isn't this cool. I look like I shit myself.

The wet feeling on his back was inevitable, and it embarrassed Walter even more. Yet, he didn't hear any hysterical laughing that he got when he fell instead..

... He felt a warm hand on his face rubbing the wet dirt off. It stayed there a little too long, and Walter didn't mind that. He locked eyes with Austin, and felt an undeniable connection. Did Austin feel it too? Was this what Lenore felt when she looked into Casey's eyes and kissed him? It felt so right to kiss Austin, but so wrong at the same time!

What is happening, What do I do?

No kiss happened, nothing did. Walter was helped up, and lead to his house. The lights were off, thankfully. His mother wouldn't see him come home so late.

"I don't know how I'll repay you for letting me in to your gig for free, thanks for the awesome time Austin."

"You don't have to, well actually come tomorrow same time same place. I've got another gig and you better be there, If you won't.. I know where you live."

"I'll go, but I'll pay this time! Goodbye."

The boys parted, and Walter walked into his house.

The lights flickered on, as Walter closed the door.

No, please no, no no!

There in the hall, was his mother gritting her teeth. Her head shook with anger, like a lion preparing to roar.

"I told you, to keep away from him. I TOLD YOU." Hot, sharp words spilled out of her mouth, followed by insults no mother should ever throw at her child.

"I did EVERYTHING. Gave up EVERYTHING so I could raise your sorry ass, and you still fucking disobey me! Still lie to me!" Her screams were thrust at Walter like daggers, and they hurt just as much.

"Mother please-"

"Don't MOTHER PLEASE ME you ... FAG."

There it was. Janice Jone's unhealthy discrimination against homosexuals. Tears trickled down Walter's face, why was she being so cruel? Why couldn't she accept him for who he was?

"Mom, I'm.."

"SORRY? Or GAY? I will not put up with this any longer, get out!"

"Mom.."

"GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!" Janice roared before slapping Walter square on the face. He squealed, jumped back and ran out the door, hearing his mother mumble to herself about failing to raise her son like a man.

---

~About two years ago~

"Hey Walter. How was school today?" Janice Jones asked her son about his day. A ritualistic question now, that Walter always replied to, 'the usual' but not that day.

"It was good mom. The singer I like, Austin came over to our school to sing. He won some talent show up in the city, and he was really good mom!" Walter expressed his deep like towards the singer even in his earlier years.

"That's great honey."

"But mom, I realized in school with my friends that.. I think.."

"I think I'm gay mom!" Walter felt good to get it off his chest, it's been buried inside of him for years, the fact that he wasn't attracted to any girl, and a boy made his heart flutter!

"YOU WHAT WALTER?" Janice screamed, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her son Gay? Even though she tried to raise him properly, she felt failure right then and there!

"Mommy, I like boys-"

And that's when the rage exposed, Janice repeatedly hit her son, listened to his cries while she convinced him God hated gays, and would punish them.

"Mommy, I can't move my arm." A bloodied Walter whimpered.

"That's the whole point, wouldn't want you to be able to wank off to that horrible shit you feed your brain."

"Mom? Please stop.. I'm hurting all over!" He pleaded as the pain worsened.

"That was also the point." She snapped before hitting him on the head again and again. Walter could do nothing about it, it was his mother, he couldn't fight her back.

It didn't take long for him to blackout and hit the tiled floor. He remembered waking up in a hospital, his mother convincing that the house was broken into, and Walter happened to be inside, and brutally beaten.

---

~Present~

Walter had nowhere to run, Austin was gone he didn't know where. So, he went to the closest person he trusted. Lenore.

"Hey, Walt it's late don't you think?" Lenore moaned, until she saw his red cheek and tears flooding his face. "Oh, Walter what happened? Come on in."

"Did the date go bad?" Lenore asked.

"No, it was perfect!"

"Really? so what's the matter Walty?"

"My mother, she kicked me out. Saw me with Austin, I don't even know why she was waiting for me! It's like she knew. L, she called me a fag, she slapped me and told me to get out." He broke more tears.

"Why is it so hard for people to accept?" Walter asked, more fresh tears flowing down his face.

"People, they always find something to hate! That's because most of them are cowards? They believe they live off some rule book wrote hundreds of years ago. I don't believe in sexuality discrimination you know? If a boy is happy with a boy, and a girl is happy with a girl then why go and ruin that? I date boys, but if a girl comes into my life, and I believe I can't spend my years with her, then I will! Besides, you and Austin clearly seem to like each other. You have many supporters you know!"

"Lenore, you're only one person not many." He sobbed into her shirt.

"Trust me, you have many more supporters than you think."

Later that night, it was settled that Walter was staying over the night. Neither wanted to sleep on the couch so Lenore decided to share the bed. After all, Casey was out and the bed was too big.

"You sure Lenore?" Walter asked.

"Walter, you've seen my whole underwear collection, confessed so many things to me, sleeping on the same bed isn't exactly something we should be weirded out by now."